#5 – The Flintstones

Literally watching paint dry

Guilty Party – Grandslam Interactive

Crime – thinking that gamers would want to play a level that involves painting a wall

Redress – play said level to help explain why we don’t want to play a level about painting a wall

The Flintstones, published for the Master System in 1988, is notorious with Master System obsessives for being boring. Not just uneventful, but absolutely tedious. I’d actually forgotten about The Flintstones, until I was painting some fences last week.

If you’re reading this and wondering what my thought process was, well….I was painting some fences and remembered that The Flintstones has a level where you paint a wall. That’s right, Fred Flintstone paints a wall. There’s no wacky goings on, no bright colours, no excitement. Fred has to paint a grey wall a different shade of grey.

…and if that didn’t inspire you to read on, I’m really not sure what will. I’m gonna try this painting level though, so show why painting a wall is a terrible idea for a level in a game.

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#4 – Heavyweight Champ

Nowadays, this game would probably be called ‘Interim Heavyweight Super Champion’

Guilty Party – Retro Redress

Crime – Choosing Dynamite Dux over Heavyweight Champ because was I was told Heavyweight Champ would be too short

Redress – Give Heavyweight Champ a chance to prove it would have been a more rewarding, more challenging experience than Dynamite Dux

After subjecting Dynamite Dux to a deserved roasting, my thoughts drifted to the other game involved that day; Heavyweight Champ. I’d never played it after not buying it that day in St Helens and never really thought about it ever again. Until now. I’ve decided that, in the Retro Redress ring, Heavyweight Champ deserves a title rematch. Let’s get it on!

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#3 – Ecco The Dolphin

Just when Retro Redress thought it was safe to go back into the water….

Guilty Party – Retro Redress

Crime – never giving Ecco The Dolphin a fair chance

Redress – Retro Redress will actually play Ecco The Dolphin and judge the game based on his experience, not just hate it because there is no violence, explosions or ninjas.

As a child of the late 80’s/early 90’s, I was raised on big, violent arcade games. Golden Axe. Alien Storm. Final Fight. Street Fighter 2. Even to this day, I’m drawn to a game if it lets the player beat up thugs and explode things. You can add 50,000 points if ninjas are involved. No matter how bad a game is, I’ll always give it a chance if there are ninjas involved.

Therefore, Ecco The Dolphin never stood a chance with me. That’s the problem though… I’ve never given it a fair chance. At best I’ve played Ecco for five minutes. It’s impossible to judge a game based on a few minutes play, but I’ve done that with Ecco. I’ve mocked Ecco to others, for over twenty years, based on roughly five minutes of gameplay.

With the birth of  Retro Redress and a (enormous) list of games that I’ve disgraced, Ecco The Dolphin is finally due some redress. Let’s give Ecco a try and see if it is as bad as I’ve been telling people…

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Update and a (belated) plug

I’m running a little late on last week’s blog, but I’m aiming to have it up tomorrow. Let’s just say I’ve been all at sea (winks) writing this redress up…

In the meantime, I just wanted to give a belated plug to a review I did for the excellent Sega Does site, ran by Dylan Cornelius. Dylan has taken on the task of reviewing every SEGA game EVER and is doing a fine job so far.

I stepped in to help out with Cutie Suzuki no Ringside Angel. The link is here, if you want to read about a Japanese women’s wrestling game, played by a man with no understanding of Japanese.

If you get a chance, please give it a read and if you haven’t investigated www.segadoes.com or questicle, then you’re missing out. Great sites…however, both sites have made me add lots of games to the Redress list. Including Cutie Suzuki no Ringside Angel…

#2 – European Club Soccer

Shouldn’t it be ‘European Club Football?’

Guilty Party – Retro Redress

Crime – Dominating European Club Soccer on Easy and Medium, but being too much of a wuss to play the game on Hard difficulty

Redress – Win the European Club and World Club Cup on Hard difficulty in one attempt.

I loved European Club Soccer as a kid. To me, it was one of the best football games of the ‘pre FIFA’ era, back when football games were more about arcade gameplay than realistic features. The aim of the European Club Soccer was to win the European Cup and then the World Club Cup,  competitions I won several times, but only on Easy or Medium difficulty. Whenever, I moved the difficulty up to Hard, a crushing defeat would send me rushing back to the easier difficulty settings.

Well, now it’s time to redress this wrong; I’m going to try and conquer European Club Soccer once and for all…by defeating it on it’s toughest difficulty level. No passwords either, I’m gonna try and beat this bad boy in one go.

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#1 – Dynamite Dux

Water off a Dux’s back?

Guilty party – Dynamite Dux

Crime – Disappointing a 9 year old child

Redress – Dynamite Dux is to be played again, to see if it can redeem itself

Before I go through my many gaming sins, I’m going to write about a game that probably affected my judgement of gaming purchases forever. Let me take you back in time, to 1993…

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So it begins…

So this is it, the beginning of what I hope will be a long and fulfilling quest, to revisit the games from my past and redress the wrongs.

My aim at the moment is to publish at least one blog post per week. Hopefully, I can maybe publish more posts than that, but it’s early days…my goal initially is just to get into a routine.

Comments and feedback is always appreciated – feel free to use the comments section, drop me an e-mail at retroredress@gmail.com or tweet at me.